Was it Really that Bad of a Day?

I feel like it is so important to share this story. It is deeply personal and has moved me into a place that I am left with awe at the wonders of God. I have always believed that his Spirit moves but I really never knew how to find it or what His voice sounds like. I am writing this out so that I can come back to it in the future and remember the sound of His voice when I am in the pit of despair.

For those who haven't read my previous blog, I wrote about my despair and low place that I was in on Wednesday. I was uncertain about how and why it was going on but I felt like I needed to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't even want to pray or anything. I wrote a blog to remember God's promises but even while I was writing, I didn't believe it. Thursday morning God started working on my heart and teaching me that I was like Peter who when he kept his eyes focused on Jesus was able to walk on water, but when he looked away and look at the impossible (Or in my case, think that it was by my hands) Peter began to sink. God taught me that I was beginning to take my focus off of Christ. The Spirit moved in me and seemed to ask me, "Are you ready to continue?" and so I said, "I will follow." Yesterday was a new day in which His mercies were renewed.

Back up just a bit; Paul talked to me about some things that were transpiring in his life and particularly the direction that One CC is taking for the future. He told me about the convergence of One CC with other businesses in order to create a community outreach. One of those businesses was a skate shop.

So I was driving home from work yesterday and the car in front of me had a sticker that was huge that said, "Scene 3".  I think I was on the phone with Em at the time and I asked her if Scene 3 was a skate shop and she said it was and she thinks that the owner goes to One CC. I said to her I think that might be the shop that is moving into the new building with One CC. Immediately I felt a prompting, "Call Paul and tell him what I told you and pray with him." Now, I feel like I am sounding a bit Pentecostal as this is unfamiliar territory, but I did what the Spirit asked.

This morning Paul told me that last night he had a meeting and talked about the fact that what we as a church need to do is to focus our attention on Christ like Peter did and he will lead us to do the impossible.  We can't focus on ourselves and how we are weak and can't do it.  It is the Spirit of God that will lead us. He told me that the story I told him was the story that he felt the Spirit telling him to share.

There isn't a huge ending to this story like, "And then money fell from heaven" or "The people all fell to their knees and worshiped God". But here is something that did/does happen. One bad day was taken and used to teach me, Paul, and others. I don't know where the Spirit will move with my story, but I thank God that I listened.

I wonder if that is how the Saints feel. A sense of, "Wait, me sinking into water and taking my eyes of off Christ moved in these people's lives?" I don't know. I do know that I want more experiences like that. The crazy thing is that I have heard these types of stories before and was like, "No biggie it probably was just coincidence or something." It would be easy to dismiss this story to be sure. But I know that the Spirit moved.

Noah S.

Mediocrity

After months of going to the gym, I was in the best shape of my life. I lost a lot of fat and gained a lot of muscle. Every day, I couldn't wait to get to the gym. Sometimes, I would spend several hours every day. A lot of it had to do with stress in my life at the time, then once I started to look better it became about my vanity. After vanity, it became strength. I wanted to push myself to be better.

Then there was this guy. He came into the gym just as much as I did. He lifted twice as much and was completely ripped. People would gather around him and ask him for advice about lifting. It was discouraging to say the least because no matter how hard I pushed myself I could never be that guy.

I love playing guitar. For awhile I thought I was pretty good too. I convinced myself that although there were great guitarists out there who are better than me, I really didn't know them. I was the best in my small group of friends. Then I meet this guy in college who had been playing for a year which was half the time that I had been playing. He was absolutely phenomenal. Everybody knew that he was the best guitarist they knew. I was crushed.

Last night a bunch of guys got together to talk. We all started to mull over some deep theological thoughts and experiences. It was a great time, but somehow I walked away with feelings of inadequacy. These inadequacies were in dealing with my lack of knowledge of God.

It is mediocrity that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to be lukewarm. What often ends up happening to me though is that by not wanting to be mediocre, it turns into ambition which turns into pride. I am too proud to be mediocre and average. I was not meant for middle-management. I was meant to do great things and for people to look to me.

Pride is ugly.

I desperately desire a deep and meaningful relationship with my creator. I want to know him and I want to be near to his voice and follow his spirit. The Rabbi that called me to follow him called me from my mediocrity. I was chosen to follow not because I am great, but because the Rabbi I follow wants the humble, the down trodden, sick, broken, and yes even mediocre. Sometimes I think that because I was chosen, I am great which inevitably leads to pride.

The disciples were mediocre, and yet Jesus wanted them. How beautiful to know that God wants those who are forgotten about. I am not comparing myself to the disciples because that would be an overstatement.

I sat on this blog for a day so that I could revisit it when my attitude was better. Here is the truth. Whenever I take my eyes off of Jesus and begin to look to myself, I will always start to fall. I think about Peter who was able to walk on the water when his focus was on Jesus, but when he looked around he felt his own inadequacy and began to sink. This is true that yesterday I was looking to myself. I took my eyes off of Jesus and the power he has in bringing people together. Not because of me, but because of him.

How about the Jews? If ever there was an ordinary group of people, the Jews were them. Something I have been learning lately about my Jesus is that he loves scandal. I have been reading in Luke and I love the fact that here you have a group of people who were ordinary or living lives of mediocrity. All of a sudden angels appear to people and tell them that the Messiah is on His way. It is scandalous. It is scandalous that a King is a tiny little baby and he is born in a barn where the smell of animal shit was overpowering. It is scandalous that the Messiah defied the religious order and stated crazy teachings like the turning the other cheek and making the least of these the greatest. It is scandalous that God, perfect in every way, was crucified. As Ignatius points out, the nails shouldn't have worked. It is scandalous that the Risen Christ first appeared to an ordinary mediocre woman.

Scandalous