Discouragement

I have felt pretty discouraged in the last couple of days. The crazy thing is that I can't exactly pinpoint it. I think to be really honest it is multilayered and there is not one specific thing that I can point to for the source. So I decided to write this blog hoping that it would release some of my feelings.

Working in a job where you are essentially a salesmen can be exhilarating on some days and terrible on others. Most of the time, when I hear the words "No thanks" I am able to handle it and brush it off. I think though that when you hear those words enough you become weary and start to think that it is you. At least, so is the case with me. I feel like I am either useless or not doing my job. It becomes very personal and depressing. As if working in a cubical wasn't depressing on its own. Finding the strength to push forward in the face of "No" however is what distinguishes an adult from a child. In these moments I know that I must hope…

I find a great source of discouragement from George Bush. I don't know if there really is a worse president than him. I think that I am especially discouraged in the fact that I was partly responsible for him being in the white house…twice. The good news is that he is almost done; the bad news is that I fear for McCain being our next president. I know that I shouldn't take too much stock in American government or think that is what God will use to bring His kingdom on earth. But I can't help to think that if we had a better president than we may be able to have better relations with people outside the U.S. or that we might be able to stop this war. It really bothers me some days.

There are so many people that tick me off it is unreal. I mean, from the guy who is crossing the street in front of my car to the coworker who continually acts like she is better than me. People are obnoxious and stupid. How could I ever find anything hopeful or good about another human being?

I am frustrated by my own lack of action in regards to my convictions. There are things that I know to be right and instead of taking action and doing something about it, I sit and do nothing. Where is the love of God towards to poor in my own heart? Where do I serve those around me? Convenience is a dirty word and is a great excuse for laziness.

Emily the other day pulled a David to my Goliath of frustration by saying, "Just think one day this will all be restored in God's kingdom". Ouch! Why does she have to be right sometimes? I am losing sight of hope and as such I need prayer to renew my strength. I am weak and need the Gospel to restore me and bring me newness of life. It is weird how my theology teaches me that God has/will bring all things to restoration, but I lack the understanding to seek it in my personal life. Work is not my center, nor George Bush, nor stupid people. They are counterfeit and the second I allow this to happen is the second I will be met with discouragement. My head knows this, but I must make strides to believe it.