The anomaly of the T-shirt

Once upon a time there was the t-shirt. It was a pretty simple thing, really. Made of cotton in different colors and you could wear it whenever. They often were to be worn in the summer. The t-shirt was often juxtaposed to the sweatshirt. Both of which share a symbiotic relationship in that they are appropriate for the given season and temperature. Oh how I loved those spring shopping experiences of buying new t-shirts. The other day I thought to myself that I would thoroughly enjoy having another spring shopping experience as in yesteryear. I thought to myself that it would be great to come away from this experience with two or three t-shirts with which I could wear all season long. It didn't take me too long to realize that each t-shirt that I looked at could be categorized in sections given their brand or logo as thus fallows:

Skater: This t-shirt could also be marked "Hey! I am 15". Although most individuals may where this t-shirt who are not 15, they will often times play the part. In a recent study 96% of people who wear these t-shirts are kids who do not "Skate". To be sure, they probably own a videogame that bares the title, "Tony Hawk's Extreme...something or other." These kids may take it one step farther and watch a TV show that exonerates the professional skateboarder as a very original funny guy who makes his living off tomfoolery and skating. Often, these t-shirts have skulls, skateboards, and something glorifying the 80s.

Clever Sayings: Really? A saying is funny in context, but not to be gallivanted around town plastered on your chest. Take for example, "I do all my own stunts." This could be funny if a friend trips on himself and gets up and says this. However, if this same friend was to wear a t-shirt that says this, it becomes annoying and arbitrary. Department stores are the worst for having huge stock piles in the back aisle marked, "50% off" and for good reason.

Abstract: Don't get me wrong. Most of the time I like the more abstract t-shirts however, the problem with these are several fold. When they first came out, I noticed that it was now the "cool thing" to be individualized and not have a conventional t-shirt. Very postmodern indeed. The more defying of convention the better. An example of this t-shirt would be one that had colors and swirls with an object like a gun with flowers coming out of the barrel and maybe some random words like, "Blue is to be for all to see that nothing can disturb her peace." The saying would only make sense if you were high. Sizes vary from Small, extra small, and girl.

Name brand or logo: This t-shirt not only functions as clothing, but it is also a walking advertisement. Not only are you a subscriber to the given product, but also you are proud of it. I like ham sandwiches but I don't wear a shirt that says this….it kind of makes me want one though…

Christian: Isn't it amazing that we now can alienate ourselves from the world even further? I mean really, now I don't have to buy secular t-shirts that promote anything but being a Christian. I just wish I could get Christian meat that wasn't offered to idols…oh wait.

So I walked away from shopping exhausted and without t-shirts. This comes with the territory of being cynical. I think I might change my way of thinking and just wear FUBU size XXXXL.